Thursday, December 29, 2011

Drop it!!!

To all you people that think that Nipple biting is a huge turn on….. Stop it! That thing is not a chew toy and surprise YES it is attached. Here is a hint, just because it gets hard does NOT automatically mean it is a good thing! ~~~Thank you ~~~

So now that the holiday season is over with it is time for me to relive the horror that was the holiday shopping. What happened to the day when we were kids and the rule of “Someone got it first, you find another toy to play with.” The people out there that go all crazy and decide to pepper spray someone over a pair of new shoes I say too much. This is like tickle me Elmo all over again! All in All by this time next year the crap you bought will not matter.
On this note I think I have had an epiphany on the matter. The reason that people get so piss ass drunk for New Years is to get over the Xmas stress that almost made you go crazy. To you people I tip my hat. Also as a tip, set an alarm on your cell phone for 12:15 to call yourself a Taxi, #1 you will be to drunk to remember and #2 It will be such a long wait time that it will get there at the time you are ready to go anyways.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Pet’s the peeve…….

Everyone has their own little pet peeves in the world. I in fact have several of them. How many people hate it when someone chews with their mouth open? Probably the majority of people that chew with it closed. Let’s go over some of the things that make my eye twitch and you can decide just how off I am shall we?

• I hate it when someone chews with their mouth closed but are breathing so heavily through their nose it is amazing they aren’t snotting on their food.
• I hate angry typers. You can pound that keyboard all you want but it is not going to apologize for whatever it is that has you miffed.
• I hate multitaskers in the car. I am sorry you decided to make poor use of your time and assume you can make up for it by just _____ing in your car. (I have literally saved hundreds of lives by NOT slamming on the brakes of my car and causing a huge accident because YOU have no idea what is going on….. You’re Welcome)
• I hate the road blockers in the super market. Why must you place your buggy on one side and then stand in the middle next to it and stare at the canned food items “pretending” that you don’t see me there trying to move past you on my way to my purchase?

These are a few small things that tend to come up on a day to day basis…. Feel free to add any of your own to my list.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Say what you mean…….

Is it really that hard to say what you mean when you are out in the dating world? If you do not think we are compatible then say so, Do NOT go off on a tangent about how much fun you had and how you are looking forward to hanging out with me again and then make up excuses for the next two weeks and then MAGICALLY disappear from the face of the Earth.

Usually I am all for being polite in the face of awkwardness but what is the point of building it up if you know you are not going to follow through with it. Case and point, when you walked me to my car and I said I had a nice time- it was fun and then I left it at that….. There was no reason for you to respond with “Oh it WAS awesome, we should do it again. Next time we will do this and that too!” And then to top it off YOU hugged ME!
You say that you like that I am Sassy but it’s a good thing that I was on my best behavior because I am pretty sure you would not like my full on Sass sir.

To you… I say Good Day.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

A Woman Scorned-

**Names have been changed to protect the douche bag.

So we all know that I am an adult and am pretty responsible in most things. I am the stable one, the calm one in an argument. Well I have found that this is not always the case. Piss me off and I piss on you……

So I have been on a few dates and one guy I have seen a couple of times has learned that I am not one to be messed with or in this case jerked around.

I get a call one night from Brad and he asks me if I would like to come over and watch a movie at his house. Sounds good to me, we have been out a couple of times and I have been to his house and it has been a god time all in all. So I get ready to hang out and he calls and said that he needs to push it back an hour because his car had an issue and he wasn’t home yet. Hmmm ok 9pm isn’t to late on a weekend were still good to go. So then 9:30 comes up and he calls and said that he is finally ready and to come on over. Little tired at this point but hey it’s just a movie……

So 10pm I get to his house and when he meets me in the driveway the alcohol on his breath almost knocks me on my ass. Whoa! So we walk to the door and he opens it to go inside and I hear someone banging in the kitchen on the other side and he slams it shut again….. “Do you mind standing here for just one minute real fast?” Um…. Ok anyone else seeing little red flags on this one yet? “Sure” So in he goes and shuts the door in my face. So here I am standing in a dark (no porch light here) stairwell shuffling my feet and getting more and more irritated as the moments tick by.

The door opens and he grabs my hand and pulls me into the house, through the kitchen, down the hall, and into his “area” of the house. I know he has roommates, I have heard the other guys in the house no big deal and his area is almost like a studio apartment. There is a couch and t.v. and coffee table on one end of it and then he has his bed and an end table on the other side with the closet and stuff off to the other with the doorway in the middle. So he shuts the door after me and I walk over and set my purse by the couch and he sigh’s and sits down too. (Ok now he is irritated?! I do not think so.) As I attempt to make small talk and ask how his day was it is clear to me that he is a lot more trashed than I originally thought and this is getting to be ridiculous. I ask to use the ladies room and he jumps up, runs to the door and peeks out into the hall for a moment. As he steps back and opens the door he drops the off handed comment of “My roommate is in his room, make it quick and be quiet.” Ok…. Sonia is pissed.

So I come back to his room from taking my moment in the bathroom to take some deep calming breaths and relax for a moment. Low and behold Brad is slumped on the couch in a drunken stupor and has started the movie. (Kidding? Sure am not) As the movie is droning on and I am lost because I did not see the first five minutes of it so do not know what all the hubbub is all about and Brad boy is drooling on the other side of me the evil thoughts start a brewing…….

Little do any of you know that I did NOT use the ladies room when I stepped away to have a moment and though I do not NEED to go I can if I made the attempt to. So that’s what I did. I have no idea as to what has come over me but I can guarantee that my mother would be shocked and appalled at my lack of lady like behavior.

Right there bold as brass I pulled down my pants, sat on his lap, and pissed on him.

Who in their right mind would treat a girl like a dirty little secret?! I know it happens and all and Hell I have done it myself but Let me tell you that person knows upfront where they sit and what the score is, none of this try and hide it bull. I would like to think that he was traumatized by this and will think twice about how he treats girls but in my mind (and from his text the next morning) I know that he thought he got to drunk and pissed his own pants. I hope that my response of “No that was me” as I hung up on him got my point across.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Little Judging Judy

So I have to laugh at the fact that I drank an entire bottle of rum last night all to myself.

So tonight in the line of my hang over while chowing down on a Taco Bell burrito a car got pulled over right in front of me. My first internal thought was "What a dumbass" (Says the girl that polished off 3 times what it takes for her to get drunk anyways). So as I am sitting here watching this cop talk to these idiots, alert stance he puts his hand to his gun and I am like Oh... my... god.... mouth open, full of half chewed burrito I was like "Dude someone is gunna die Right Meow" (used the kitty in real life lol)

Anyways, long story short girl did NOT pass her little sober Sally test and I have a broken Toe nail that hurts like a bitch and cement burn on her elbow that may and or may not turn into a scar later as yet to be determined.

Monday, January 17, 2011

You’re so vain… I bet you think this Blog is about you.

Bridalplasty………….. Has anyone else seen this show? I will admit that I am vain. I wish my teeth were whiter, I wish my boobs were bigger, I wish, I wish, I wish…… But these girls….. They take it to a whole new level.

This group of soon to be brides are competing to be the perfect bride. Mini challenges make it possible for them to get the chance to nip this, tuck that, remove that, lift those and so on. Now I have to say it is interesting to see these girls all bandaged up from a nose job that has given them two black eyes trying to compete in a taste test to determine who wins the chance to have the next procedure.

I am not here to judge….. My opinion is my own and I am sure you all have your own as well……. The only thing that I am curious about is what will the fiancĂ© think of the after effect?

Monday, January 10, 2011

Books hurt...

I love to get comfortable to read a book….. I don’t really care where I am. So…..
OPEN SCENE: Picture me, laid out in an arm chair one leg tossed up over the arm, swinging my foot, book propped up on my lap curled sideways and loving life. The smell of coffee in the background, some soft elevator music plays off behind me somewhere and the sound of people talking a few rows over…. That’s right. I am reading a book in the book store.
So here I am minding my own business readin a book relaxing and wasting some time when all of the sudden this giant shadow falls across my book and the light has gotten dim. I recline my head back to look up above me and what do I see? The back of a book……. Um. Hello! Personal space man. I reach up with one hand and tap the back of the book. (Not one of my brighter moves) Apparently I surprised the reader so much that he drops the book right on my face. WHAT THE HELL!!! Ouch!
So the tallest man I have ever seen is looking at me like I am the crazy one here as I hold my face and glare up at him from my once comfy spot. This guy has got to be at least 7 feet tall. No wonder he didn’t see me, 1 inch shorter and he would have been able to step OVER me no problem. So I hand him back his book with a dirty look and say ‘Drop something?” So he takes the book and walks away, never says one word to me. What a douche……
Ladies and Gentlemen…… Mr. Mehmet Okur #13 of our Utah Jazz ( he is indeed 7 feet tall).