Monday, November 30, 2009

Again in the Bathroom

I don't know if so many of my random post occur in the bathroom because I have a bladder the size of an acorn or not but we find ourselves once again in the setting of the potty for this one......

So picture if you would walking into the bathroom and taking up temporary residence in your own little stall world. As i was going into my little room the stall next door occupant was exiting hers and we did the polite little head nod of "I dont know you but since we accidently made eye contact you will get the "whats up" nod that is required." So I go in, put down the little seat cover protector thingie, and all of the sudden hear the exiting occupant talking. .......... oh.... kay.....

So i am sitting there listening to "Hello..... Hell-o..... Hi there! H' ello.. no no HEllo....."

I am trying not to giggle for the life of me and can only assume she has a crush and she is practicing her flirt greeting to this person in question. I would like to think that upon entering her office and seeing this person she got all flustered and did a flustered kind of Hi and shuffeled on her way shaking her head with some type of inner monologue like "stupid, stupid, stupid." But then again thats just me. =]

Monday, November 23, 2009

Other end of the Spawn Pool

As an update to my spawning...... I have been seeing someone, he is a drummer in a band, and thankfully not a demon spawner like my previous rant but believe it or not. I have been seeing a Jesus freak. Thats right folks he is drumming for God. Hmn...... I wonder if in bed he says "oh god, oh god" or if he has chosen another outlet. Anyways I am sure this one won't last long, we all know I like to spend time on my knees but not in prayer. :) ..............Perv's...................

Demon Spawn

So Heather and I decided to strap the baby into the stroller and cruise around Liberty park. WOO HOO she laughs cause the baby starts to dance in the stroller to the drum circle crazy hippy drums. So we mosey a little closer and I am standing there holding the stroller eyeballing the cracked out and drunk kids shakin their groove thang in public when who does my eye land on??! SUPER CRAZY EX BOYFRIEND! For some background information….. after hanging out for a couple weeks and having a good ol time, we are sitting in his living room, just watching a movie, when all of the sudden boy grabs my face, looks deeply into my eyes… THEN DROPS A BOMB SHELL!!!!! What could be so bad you ask??................. Well turns out Mo Fo says that he is a demon here to repopulate the earth with his spawn…. OUR demon spawn. OH YES!!!!! IT IS TRUE J He has chosen me to be the “carrier of his spawn” Direct quote people!!!!!!

You can't Pee on a fire!

Few of you know I was actually on a ……… what would you call us? Drill team/ dance team/ performing arts……… well anyways I was a prancing, flag twirling, stuck up biotch. :) So on our trip to perform in the finals in Wisconsin we decided to stay in the Hilton ( insert oo’s and ah’s here). After a dreadful day of sitting in the stadium all damn day, losing my favorite hoodie, and several repeated lectures of “lets not repeat the Las Vegas disaster” we were finally able to go back to the hotel and crash THANK YOU!!!!! So we go on up to our floor and basically run wild for a few hours high on the power of no chaperones. So after we all go to bed at about 2am and then low and behold 3:45 I wake up to the weirdest noise. Now the first thought I have is who the hell is talking that loud in the hall at 4am? So I stumble over to the door and rip it open to give the stink eye to some inconsiderate pip and there is no one there. Ok WTF…… The loud speaker goes off above my head “Once again we need to evacuate the hotel due to fire hazards, Please move to the closest exit available, remember to use the stairs and please walk DO NOT run. Thank you” HEY ASS HOLES WHERES THE ALARM?!?!!?? So as I turn back into the room of 5 of my close friends who are all sleeping and completely clueless, I have a moment of hesitation, I hate to wake people up. So I muster up my courage and say “UHHHH Hey guys………. We need to get out the hotel is on fire.” Holy Hell you would think I set THEM on fire, Panic ensues. 5 girls jump up screaming trying to grab any crap they can before they hall ass out of the room. (Internal dialogue) hmmm…….. what was I doing? Oh yeah… I needed to Pee……. Maybe I should grab my purse…. No I need to pee I will grab it when I am done.
So I go into the bathroom and prepare myself for relief I hear a frantic knocking on the door as my friends start to freak out, all I can hear is “What are you doing?! Are you Crazy?! You can’t pee on a fire!” **Eyeroll, you gotta go when you gotta go** so I finish, wash my hands (personal hygiene is important people) and open the door to the slack jaw’ed shocked faces of my friends and say “well lets go!” Oh yes my purse, luckily my friend had my purse in hand and was chomping at the bit to haul ass out’a there. So here we are, a bunch of high school aged kids huddeled in the masses outside and half asleep staring up at the dumbass’es staring out the window at us like what are you doing?! Hello, the hotel is on fire kids So a couple hours later and a sweep of the hotel and turns out some Jack ass with a space heater put his pillow and blankets a little to close before going to bed.
Moral of the story here is: Who the hell brings a space heater to the Hilton?!?!?!?!

This happens more often than not

So…………… I gotta pee like a Mofo and I am stuck on a scheduling for a Dr call so I FINALLY get off this call and jump up to go trotting out of the room so BAM I burst out of the door to the hallway and am power walkin it down the hall…….. So There’s some douche up on a ladder I almost knock him over as I do a quick jump around him in the hall. So again BAM burst into the bathroom 2 of the 3 stalls are full SCORE! NO WAIT!!!! So I go in, slam the door, turn around and………… hear music from a horror movie!!!!!!
So in my head I have to make a split second decision. So after contemplating hovering over the drain in the floor I grab a seat cover then 2 more just for good measure. So I am eyeballing this disaster knowing nothing can be done I brace myself for at least a 2 foot hover to avoid any chance of a splash back to occur.
So I finish my “peein like a race horse” moment and low and behold………. No toilet paper. *sigh*
The good news is I avoided any kind of splash back disaster and didn’t get a paper cut on my cookie as I used a seat cover to blot myself dry.