Monday, January 18, 2010

Scary movie+lots of liquid = sad potty time


So............ Scary movies about people getting offed in a public restroom does do damage to an adult. To say I am OCD when it comes to my stall doesn't cover it. After going to dinner before the movie and slurping a soda to wash down the fries I think maybe not the brightest idea but i should be fine if i stop now. Ok so auto pilot kicks in at the theater, its buy the tickets, snack line, choose seat. well before I know it we have the tickets and i have a gallon size soda in hand. Now this is dangerous area because it is still a bit before the movie starts and if i am careful and use the ladies room now and don't slurp this monster down i should make it threw without a potty break. So low and behold I run into some gal pals in the lobby and as i am chattin it up with S,V, and K all of the sudden i notice this bad boy is more than half gone..... oops.


So I hit the stall before the movie and there are a few girls in there so i dont have to worry about being shot down or getting my guts ripped out to be found dead the next day.


Movie: Was actually o.k. I liked it even with the blood and death and body explosion to paint the windows and walls red........ I will admit to crying once but it was only one little sad panda tear and i covered it up well I think.


NOW comes the problem. I finished the remainder half of my soda in the show and although I emptied the dinner soda out before the movie started I now had the whole other movie gallon just a sittin and not sittin well might I add. So credits start rolling and I hit the ladies room like it is home base in a game of tag...... Let the game begin. *Scan under all stalls to make sure no feet are here. * Stop and be as quiet as possible to detect breathing of anyTHING else or any other tale tale noises for those that don't breath. * check overhead lighting for a well lit stall. * make sure to push stall door open completely to make sure no one is hanging from the back of the stall door on either side. * check for adequate TP and seat covers before entering stall of choice. Think the game is over oh no no no! After *place back firmly on stall door to flush with foot while covering ears because the noise is so so so loud. *stand in stall until bathroom is completely quiet and again listen for breathing or other noises. *open stall door and run like hell to the sink area (mirrors give complete view of something sneaking up behind you). *Finally wash hands while watching your back and then keeping back to the wall to edge to the door and back out of the room.


I am one of the ones that always gets asked why I take so long in the bathroom.........

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Centaur sex anyone?


Background: Jenny is a girl at work that Loves her husband very much. How do I know? We get details. Apparently my mind has filed this information away for future use that burst forth in the most disturbing dream i have had to date..........


So in my dream we are in a wonderful world of centaurs, humans, elf's and other mystical beings. So in the office, our lovely Jenny has taken form of a centaur, lovely long hair, beautiful chestnut colored mare dressed in complete Dominatrix leather bustier, laced up the sides with a push up bra (completely un-needed with her assets). Shane, her manly man centaur husband enters the scene later.........


So early morning were all sitting around at work talking about the weekend, chit chat girl talk nothing new when all of the sudden Jenny clip clops over to go into full on graphic detail about the sex she had this weekend... ok nothing new but all of the sudden my dream turns to movie flash back mode.....


Setting: pasture at twilight, grass is over long and blowing gently. Shane and Jenny embrace lovingly before she turns so he can mount her. Enter helicopter...... the grass in the pasture is whipped into a frenzy as the helicopter hovers over this porno like love scene right out of the discovery nature show. The suction from the helicopter almost lifts Shane off of his hoofs also causing Jenny's hind quarters to lift slightly making for the perfect angle for the best copulating EVER! (as Shane later puts it to her).


Flash back to the office and pan around to all of our shocked faces and stunned silence...........


Reality: I wake up in full WTF mode. The first thought that enters my mind is my god I have to see her today.